My doctor sent me to a dermatologist-he took one glance and declared I had perioral dermatitis. Put me on a course of antibiotics. It would clear up, and then start coming back. The dermatologist keep saying don’t worry we have more antibiotics to try. I tried 3 different kinds with the same results and decided to go off completely. Went to a naturopath-was prescribed a bunch of extremely expensive stuff-didn’t work. Decided to live with PD. Tried every natural remedy known to man. Would flare up and subside, but never go away. Then I became pregnant and after my baby was born I decided I had to do something about this as the flareups were getting worse and leaving scars. During my pregnancy I’d met a girl in my friends clothing shop who had claimed to have had PD, even though her skin was beautiful, and said she had gone to so and so at WellSpring health Vitamin shop and taken what he prescribed. Now I had a Homeopath for a sister-in-law who couldn’t help me and also a good friend who worked in a vitamin store who had not been able to help me either. I was decided it was worth it anyway. This person listened to me, asked me my blood type and heard all my symptoms. He said I need to be on high doses of B5-pantothenic acid. Combined with New Chapter breast feeding formula vitamins 3 x’s a day, fish oil, high dose probiotics and magnesium plus NAC-N-acetyl Cysteine. So we are taking about 1000mgs of B5 3x’s a day. NAC before bed. Magnesium 3 x’s a day, probiotics 3 x’s a day, fish oil once and breast feeding vitamins 3x’s a day. Well, within 12 hrs that familiar burning inflammatory skin feeling went away. Then 24 hrs later the PD started to fade, just fade away. Within a week-it was gone. I was on this cycle of vitamins for 6 months-then lowered the doses of B5. Now, years later, I take this combo to maintain when I’m feeling stressed or I notice one or two tiny red bumps-which always appear around my period.
I was in a state of confusion and terror for about 3 days and then I just got back to my normal life. I decided that if I didn’t think about it, I didn’t have to think it was going to happen. Or I would pretend that it was going to happen to someone else. I didn’t really tell my friends, because I didn’t want to talk about it. But it still affected me. I couldn’t really tell, but I was making mistakes at work that I would normally never do, and I suddenly lost all care for the troubles of others. I had that “can it be worse than what I’m going through?” type of attitude. But at the same time, I would see the news and look at how many people had it worse than me and I would just be thankful for that. It was a very confusing time. I had been seeing a homeopathologist since July and I was telling him about my feelings and he helped me work on that aspect and gave me remedies to try and get my mind on the right track. That definitely helped me out.
At the age of 14 or 15, I called the cops on my Dad. He had both hands around my neck and I was terrified. It wasn't the first time he'd lashed out at me physically, but this was one of the worst episodes. My mom had already left the home and so it was just him and me. When the cop came, my dad showed the cop my room. Yes, it was a mess. I had made an agreement with my dad at the beginning of the month that I could keep my room messy but that it would be clean at the end of the month -- I even had it in writing. It was a few days before the end of the month when my Dad just exploded on me. So the cop took a look at my room, gave me a lecture, and left me alone wiht my Dad. The cop didn't look at the note I tried to show him, didn't seem to care one bit that I had nearly been strangled. I've never completely trusted police since, nor any other "authority figures". Eventually I left, staying in homes of friends while finishing high school. College wasn't an option I had to figure out where to live and how once I graduated from high school. Financial aid laws requiring parental assistance discouraged me from even trying. I finally returned to college as an adult, after becoming disabled with rheumatoid arthritis. It was the only way I could figure out to ever have a life that wasn't at the lowest of the social totem pole for the rest of my life. I just couldn't face that at age 31. I know now that the college financial aid offices have many, many ways to work the numbers and the various aid packages to make it work. I still was on an emotional thread, but it always managed to work out even at the last minute and I managed to earn my bachelor's degree from a high-quality university last summer. I want to send a special message to everyone, teens and adults, that if you want to go to college, there ARE ways to make it work. Talk to the financial aid officers, and be honest with them about the obstacles you face. I've found that the larger the school, the more likely they are to have skilled people to help you, but most schools are pretty darn good about it., even community colleges. The people in those offices know that helping folks get their education is vital, and take their work as a mission. I could write so much more. Reach out, find those who will help you. Get out of abusive situations in any way you can. You are worth it, and the fact that you struggle with it shows that you do have some self-worth left. It's difficult to maintain self-worth while being emotionally and physically abused. For me, the emotional abuse was far worse than the physical abuse. Statements like "I got you out of the garbage can" (I was adopted), "you're worthless", "you'll never amount to anything", "you're a worthless slut" (I was a virgin!) and so forth were repeated over and over again. No one deserves that -- NO ONE.